Home Page for Daniel Spisak-> Pages from the 6th Dimension

As of lately, it would appear that I have become the center of the Universe merely by owning an alphanumeric pager.  In the past few months I have been paged by God, Elvis, Santa Claus, President Clinton and Martin Luther King Jr.  I want to share these "special" pages with people, because I think they will make you laugh just as hard as I did when I got them.

2/10/98
9:59 PM

Dan, this is GOD again. You
have made poor progress in
your collection efforts.  I
am sending the flood with El
Niņo very soon. If I do not
see improvement, I will strike
you down right before you are
about to be engaged in fornicating.

Just goes to show that when you want something done, you have to do it yourself is what I say.  I guess if God wanted me to collect two of every computer component, he/she/it could have given this poor lowly college student the means to make such a purchase.

01/20/98
6:55 PM

Dan, this is MARTIN LUTHER
KING JR. I have a dream Dan.
I have a dream that all PC
protocols will one day be
standardized, if that should
fail may they all bear the
Apple logo. Yes Dan, I have
a dream.

Gee, I wonder what I did to get all this attention from these famous folks?  I'm not sure why Mr. King would rather have a single standardized protocol for the PC, or have all protocols be derived from Apple.  I'm sure histoians will be pondering this message for years to come.

12/08/97
9:41PM

Dan, this is SANTA CLAUS.
As you know, I'm very busy
this time of year. I need
an extra elf to spank all
the bad children. You, Dan.
You.

Seems my name is really getting around the international circles these days.  Not every day you get a page from St. Nick himself. So just what does this mean for all the bad children?  Ummm, well, I dunno....I am sure I can think of something involving oranges and a plan to take over the world. :)

11/19/97
8:27PM

Dan, this is PRESIDENT CLINTON.
My daughter Chelsea is in need
of a man who can meet her desires.
You were recommended, Dan. If you
refuse, SS(Secret Service) will
harass you for the next year.

I found this one particularly funny.  I don't care even if he is the leader of the Free World, or could launch a nuclear attack at my exact location. The Secret Service threat is also humorous, I guess they didn't learn from their run-in with Steve Jackson Games.

11/14/97
12:46PM

Dan, this is ELVIS. I have a song
I never published. I want you to
give it to the world. I have split
it into two parts which I'll send
to you shortly.

11/14/97
12:50PM

(part1) (To the tune of Do-Re-me)
Fuck a duck,
a female duck,
Screw a baby kangaroo.
Finger-bang an orangutan,
Let an elephant do you.

11/14/97
12:49PM

(part2) Feel the penis of an eel.
Whack! the asshole of a yak,
Masterbate with a gnu,
And that will bring us back to
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck..

One has to wonder if this song would have been popular or not with Elvis fans.   Me, being a complete neophyte Elvis connoisseur will go out on a limb and say that it would have been an even greater success then the movie Ishtar was. One also has to wonder if Elvis had left the lyrics in part2 incomplete on purpose or not.  We may never know.

10/13/97
3:34PM

Hello Dan, this is GOD paging you.
I am going to send an asteriod to
the Earth and flood it. I want you
to collect two of each computer
component and wait for my next page.

Well, I must say, it is an honor to be chose by GOD himself to be the person who saves the future of computing from the coming Great Flood.  Although, since I haven't gotten another page from GOD lately I have to question wether or not He will go through with It this time.  I'll be sure to let people know when GOD comes a paging though.

NOTE: None of these pages were made up or fabricated by Dan in any way. I really did get these off of my alphanumeric pager.

Last updated: 1999/4/25 22:54:41 GMT